After my previous post on being the fat friend, while watching “Gossip Girl” I noticed that Blair & Serena are a good example of best friends. However dysfunctional their dynamic is they know how to show up a show out visually and intellectually. No matter whom they befriend and induct into their catastrophic circle there’s always a dress code.
What most intrigued me is that over the seasons they have got chummy with some chubby dilapidated people during their salacious antics. Fundamentally, they always enforced that dress code?
We all got that one friend who just isn’t style forward (noticed I didn’t say fashion forward) or never seems to say the right things or eat all the wrong things. Well I have four set of friends: High School, College, Homosexual and friends through life.
In each group there has been one who just can’t get it right though he/she are wonderful people but no one would ever know or care by the those ill fitting and bland colored clothing. I know everyone has their own style but it’s a fine line between personal style and personal embarrassment.
“Oliver what we do about”… let’s call her Carrie (you know like from Sex and The City?) I always felt she had questionable style. This is what one of my girlfriends asked me Sunday at brunch.
My answer… The Mirror Effect!
It’s a less offensive, sublet way to get your friend to add some “electrolytes to their wardrobe diet.” We all been out with friends on a constant basis and after a while we tend to act and sound alike.
Well that’s the mirror effect. Mirroring – copying others people body languages, vernacular and style- helps us form and strengthen our style.
It has always worked for me whether it’s when I want a friend to change their hair, lose weight or buy an actual pair of shoes.
For instance right now I have two friends who have recently lost a lot of weight but I find their choice of clothing shameful and outright disrespectful. I don’t take two to four hours getting dress just so I can be seen together with______. Let’s just stick to the positives.
Here’s how the mirror effects work…
1. Invite your friend out more specifically to events where the dress is important and once they see that you are always dressed for the occasion they are soon to follow suit.
2. Take them shopping. No you don’t have to purchase them anything or be as overbearing to pick out every single item for them. The trick is to suggest for them to try on something same as you, they’ll realize you think its fashionable persuading them to purchase it. (p.s. don’t you buy it also you want to better their style not look like stupid twins.)
3. Remember to complement them on items that you actually like them in. If they value your taste then they will always associated that particularly item with style.
4. Share your latest magazines, recipes and recent current event discussions.
5. Update them on your exciting exploits whether it’s exercising, a book club you joined or an event you attended. If they see you having fun there are sure to enlist your help on what is “in.”
I know some may believe this is more mocking your friend than helping your friend. But face it if your friend looks a chewed up mess then he/she looks a chewed up mess. As a friend it’s our duty to bring out the best in our friends.
We all hang around a person who style, taste and interests we find ourselves gravitating to. So it’s natural to mimic the person who you applaud their preferences.
Meanwhile how your friends look say a lot about YOU! Remember it’s a fine line between mimicking and mocking.