It’s Sunday and I’m in a sucky mood. Not just today but since the week before my birthday. I don’t know what the cause of this is but I don’t feel creative or want to exercise or be bothered with humans. My creativity is what matters the most. Okay, who am I kidding and my weight.
It’s moments like this that I get trapped inside my own mind and start to re-evaluate my year. 2011 thus far has been a big to-do list that I have been checking things off I bought big ticket items, went on trips and elevated career wise. I’ve been sticking to my New Year resolutions, small personal goals and life goals. Yet I feel like I haven’t done anything of valor or substance.
I’m in a rut it seems all I do is go to church, work out, go to school, and go to work, movies, shop and volunteer in that order weekly.
I feel it’s nothing fulfilling or spontaneous going on with my life that makes me excited about getting out of bed I think I’ve even gained weight after losing so much last month. I know I should count my blessing but it’s so hard when it’s so much that I’ve yet to accomplish that in all reality is minute.
Even my attire is suffering. I haven’t left the house all week to do anything; I’ve even been skipping church. I think I’m annoyed at my rut because I don’t have a remedy and I’m a guy who has a remedy for everything. As always I went to the only place I can seek sanity, church.
Today’s topic was effectiveness and are we living an effective lifestyle. It hit me like the case of the “sleepies” after a carb filled meal.
Am I being as effective as I think I am? The answer is no. Standing on the corner (where I took this pic) waiting to cross the street from church I began to think.
I don’t feel I have control in my life. Everything has been getting out of hand and unexpected things have happened. I set goals that I meet however, I don’t take time to enjoy them as well as I don’t exhaust all my resources on those that are challenging I just move on and I don’t set challenging goals that would greatly make a change in the progression of my life. I realized that I’m in a gloomy mood because I have not been effective in my own life or use the things I learn that could help me effectively.
I’m bored with school because I haven’t fully committed in an effective way, I’m over work because I haven’t used all my talents effectively and my weight and wardrobe is lackluster because I haven’t found effective ways to make the most of the gym equipment and my garments.
I really want to be happy again especially with the holidays around the corner. My new number one goal is to be effective.
I’m going on a three day fast and not for vanity reasons but as an abstract way of pushing the restart button on everything mainly since I’m embarking on a new age I think it would be great to have a new mind set.
Sunday: No carbohydrates food or liquid for 24 hours.
Monday: Only green tea and honey for 24 hours.
Tuesday: Again no food just used the day to brainstorm on new ideas, regimes and commitments.
I think this is the perfect way to accomplish more difficult goals and induce my creativity. The one way I can assure control in my life is my weight and I always appreciate myself more when I’m thinner.
We are all our own answer to our own happiness nothing can change your mood or outlook except for you. So be effective in one’s self.
Not to be so bleak but I thought I should write this to get this feeling of frustration out and I slightly see this as the spark of my creativity coming back.
By the way, that picture.
My Sunday attire has gone from bored golfer that consisted of polo’s, khakis and moccasins to brogue shoes and cardigans I’m now a retired dentist.