Ask Your Fat Friend Not Me!!!

18 Nov

One thing that curbs my appetite more than a caffeine load diet pill, brushing my teeth or chewing gum is talking to people about their sad nauseating dating life.

As you read Sunday I started a three-day fast in the hopes to be more effective. The fast went well and I lost eight pounds in three days. The first meal I wanted was Japanese for some reason I was craving Yakisoba noodles and tofu.

Thursday I went to lunch with a friend, let’s call him Charlotte (from Sex and The City, just delusional about life) he has broken up with another guy.
I was ready to walk out the restaurant the moment he open his mouth. However, I couldn’t because he drove and I was starving.

Charlotte is a handsome, smart and mellow guy who is very responsible I personally think he makes a good boyfriend but his number one problem is that he isn’t assertive.

This is for anyone gay, straight, girl or guy if you want something go get it. That whole waiting game and trying to decide who will make the move first will always leave you single and fat from all the emotional eating.

While I don’t mind giving my friends dating advice I always tell the straight forward “I AM NOT THE PERSON TO BE ASKING ABOUT DATING I AM SKINNY!”

Ask your fat friend. Your fat friend knows more about the heart breaks of dating. They know disappointment, fitting someone else standards and dealing with bull for momentary happiness.

Me on the other hand I have had an awesome dating life I go after what I want, I’m resilient and I know what I have to offer. I’m too thin to deal with what I consider useless I’m all about cutting carbohydrates whether they’re human or food.

Dating is very easy. It’s all about you; the good and bad. Here’s what I shared with Charlotte while waiting for my food (as hungry as I was technically I was the fat friend this day.)

If you’re single it’s your own fault not because it isn’t any good mates out there or you’re “too picky” or people play too many games. You can’t blame everyone for your delusions of dating and misguided truths.

Be honest with yourself about your pitfalls before blaming or picking on other people you’ve dated and it went awry. Don’t be so desperate and look at yourself. Are you learning from your past experience? Are you bettering yourself for the next person? Are you being proactive in your dating selections? Everyone can’t be the reason you lose interest so fast. I mean look, a doctor don’t tell the school the work is the reason for a child’s ADD.

I have three rules to dating and maintaining a relationship that has worked very well for me and people who’ve taken my advice (three married, one in a relationship for three years and one engaged.) I had one almost engaged but she didn’t listen now she’s single and sad, go figure.

Rule Number 1: Don’t ask of no one that you are not already.

This just means know what you have to offer before releasing your unrealistic expectations on the world. If you want a fit, educated, charming and wealthy mate be sure you’re not putting away the doughnuts by the dozen in your room at your momma’s house.

Rule Number 2: Shut your mouth.

I live by this; you can’t tell your friends all the good and all the bad about your relationships. If you tell them all the good then when something goes bad you looking like Willy the Idiot because you made it seem as if you was in this enchanted relationship now you have all these extra ears and opinions as well as your relationship is under this huge microscope. Also, you can’t tell your friends all the bad because it causes a split your in relationship and friendship because all your friends know is of the bad and they began to hate your mate based on your words making you choose between friends or a mate. This isn’t good because now you will always be trying to save face out of embarrassments and can’t have your friends and mate in the same place. Work your problems out with your mate first.

Rule number 3: Don’t date to date; date to find a team-mate.

In any advice I give it’s all about progression. Life is about moving forward so if it isn’t for the betterment or progression of your life then it’s not worth the bother. Yes dating can be fun but don’t do it out of boredom or happenstance, do it because it’s a greater goal in it for you. No I’m not talking about trying to get married to every person you go to dinner with, I’m simply saying look for someone who compliments you not completes you. You need a teammate someone you work well with and vice versa. If you see it going downhill, don’t wait till the last-minute to jump ship nip it in the bud quickly.

Dating is like losing weight, you don’t get thin by crying and complaining the fat away, it take being active and committed.

Know yourself first.

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12 Responses to “Ask Your Fat Friend Not Me!!!”

  1. Davetta November 18, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    This is awesome advice! I love the don’t tell your friends all your business part I learned that the hard way! Lol

  2. the editor November 18, 2011 at 11:50 pm #

    Omg I think I get what you just did here. I’d wondered what you thought about a post I did today. Check it out.

  3. kristina November 20, 2011 at 11:35 pm #

    great post with a lot of informative tips here! and congrats on your weight loss ~ japanese food is the best way to lose a few pounds ~ i love me some yummy noodles!
    xx ~ ks

  4. Erin November 28, 2011 at 10:46 pm #

    Cereal bowls (empty ones). I mean, this is America.

  5. Cakes and Shakes... December 20, 2011 at 4:46 am #

    Aw, your poor friend 🙂 I blogged about this here: http://cakesandshakes.wordpress.com/2011/09/07/relationships-what-works-for-me/

  6. Esquire February 18, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    Hello Oliver….I have been following your blog and this my first time posting ever lol. Im seeking some advice from you, it seems as though you are somewhat of a relationship guru. What are your thoughts on flirting during the dating process? Im currently dating this guy and we arent “boyfriends” yet but I hope to be in the future. He is constantly flirting online and also in group settings. Should I take that as a red flag? I like the direction we are going but sometimes my insecurities flare up. Keep up the good work. Love your blog. Best wishes in the future.

    • BougieHippie February 18, 2013 at 11:20 am #

      1st what are your insecurities? Hate to be harsh but sounds like a personal problem i.e. underlying issues you need to deal with internally before pursuing someone else.

      2nd you stated you two are “dating” so that’s just what it is- dating: going out, flirting, conversing and no being tied down. Until you two are official then you shouldn’t have any worries about what he’s doing outside of you guy’s dynamic.

      3rd I know personally I’m just a nice person, I say hello and be a little kitschy with others that can be mistaken for flirting so maybe that’s what he is doing. As long as it doesn’t goes beyond that.

      Overall, you shouldn’t worry about anything till you are official. Then you cant bring it up to him if it’s still occurring and making you feel uncomfortable, other than that shut up and don’t scare him off.

      Thank you for following!

      Don’t be greedy share!

      • Esquire February 18, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

        Thanks for the reply. My insecurity comes from my past relationships I’ve been cheated on twice. So building trust is an issue for me. Do you believe in varying degrees of dating? (Ex casual or serious) or do you think it’s black and white?

      • BougieHippie February 18, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

        Yeah that’s a personal problem, you can’t let your past relationships dictate your future. Not saying be naive just don’t be psychotic.

        It is black and white either you’re monogamous or not. Dating is getting to know someone before deciding to be exclusive so all parties are entitled to date.

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Shut Your Mouth & Your Fat A**! | - July 10, 2012

    […] of my three rules to dating; Rule Number 3: Shut Your Mouth is something I wish most people would live by. However like my wish for people not […]

  2. The Challenge… | Anorexic Escapades - September 5, 2013

    […] Side note: I don’t know why my friends come to me for dating advice but they do. I keep telling them, don’t ask me ask your fat friend! […]

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