Fly Away Fatty

24 Feb

Vogue Hommes Japan Summer 2013 Issue 6Coat: Prada

This morning I had to finally admit something to myself on my quest of waist invisibility, I’m a yo-yo dieter. There I said it! This admission of guilt came to me after being snowed in the past three days; not being able to go to the gym and trying with all my inner thin strength not to empty my refrigerator into my stomach.

Lucky for me I have a fitness ball, 15lbs dumbbells and a will not to be a fat greasy pig so, I turned my dining room area into workout central. Thank you Skinny-Jesus I didn’t gain a pound.

However, that wasn’t the only weigh-in I made these few caged in days. Not only am I up and down on the scale I’m the same in my love life. I’m constantly yo-yoing with my feelings on the idea of dating.

More specifically how I’m growing from a person that prefers and thrive off long distance relationships to someone who may actually want to date someone in driving, more so running distance ( to burn off the weight love makes you gain.)

Since the start of my dating life I have proclaimed and enjoyed pursuing men miles away. One factor has been the size of the town I reside in, I am a very private person that doesn’t like to disclose who I’m dating with others. It was 3yrs before I introduced my boyfriend to my family and that was after we broke up.

I love my space, I like to know where everything is and not having to follow someone around making sure they aren’t disturbing the feng shui of my palacio abode. I can be sometime-y with my affection; just because today we cuddle and had a long engaging conversation doesn’t me tomorrow I want to see your face. I can be very attentive and distance in a seven day time span, it has nothing to do with the person I’m dating or my dissipating love but everything to do with me adoring my personal space.

I’m the oldest child; I’ve always gone off from my family or group of friends and did my own thing. I shop alone, travel alone and prefer to shower alone. I’m very self-sufficient; I found, visited and moved two states away without any family to attended university.

I don’t like factoring someone else in my life. We all know a relationship is more than just you; it’s someone else’s thoughts, emotions and physical being involved. That’s a lot to deal with for instance, in the three years I was with my ex he slept over a total of eight times.

I don’t like to share my things or myself.

Now single, I’m gaining a desire to want a love interested in close proximity. I don’t know if it’s me wanting affection, sex or someone to beat when my scale don’t read right. I’m not saying I’m ready to move in with anyone, I don’t think that will every happen. But with all the guys I meet out of state I quickly grow uninterested.

Some of the reason I like guys out of state is that I know there isn’t a strong chance to get serious and I like that. I like being able to change my mind. Though as a guy who claims to “date to find a mate” I may be a walking contradiction.

I know within this digital age we have many mediums to keep in touch howbeit, is that satisfying over the physical? As much as I’m fond of airplane relationships I am growing tired of the monthly rendezvous only to return home to no one to unpack my bags or rub my thighs after overkill on the treadmill.

My biggest problem overall is finally admitting this as well as, wanting this after I ended it with my boyfriend that actually live here. I never thought I would be “that guy” I like not caring and being alone while having a boyfriend. I think the toughest part is admitting I’m changing on account of I spent my entire adult life cultivating the person I am today only to visualize being someone totally different.

What are your self realizations? Are your romantic desires the same today compared to when you first started dating? Do you look for a long distance relationship to avoid commitment?

Chew on that.

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13 Responses to “Fly Away Fatty”

  1. Sammie Miller February 24, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

    This post totally reminds me of my dating life right now.Me and my guy are in different states, when we are together physically its magical. But when we are apart we tend to argue and be more cold towards each other. I constantly wonder if this is all worth it, since we plan on being together in the future.

    • Sammie Miller February 24, 2013 at 4:09 pm #

      Also to respond to your questions:
      Ive been very open to different ideas of a relationships. I dont think it is one or more way to be in one. “Do you look for a long distance relationship to avoid commitment?”…..Lol thats funny, I was once told LDRs are for commitment phobes….Thats not the case for me, Im interested in making my LDR work its just a matter “mind over matter” .

      • BougieHippie February 24, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

        Thanks for responding. I wouldn’t say I look for long distance relationships to avoid commitment, it’s just easier for me not to take it too serious and leave it when it isn’t working out how I would like it to.

        The thing is I’ve noticed that I’m not as pro “LDR” as I once was. Maybe I’m getting old and want someone near.

        However, to help you as I tell everyone: if love is your focus right now well pay attention as you do anything else in your life you want.

        You know if something is worth it or not.

        As the theme of my post, be open and honest with yourself first.

  2. AwardlySweetie February 24, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

    im confused with this post. are you looking for a relationship or physical nearness? they are 2 different things

  3. Esquire February 24, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

    I love the tone of your posts, your so snarky! Love will find you whether it be near or far, but in your case the latter might be better. 😉

  4. Desmond February 24, 2013 at 11:28 pm #

    It’s funny how life will sit you down and make you self assess. This self evaluation always occurs at a time when you least expect it and rarely when you want it.

    I can remember being younger and not wanting to be married or bothered with another person period. I too am a natural born loner and self dependence is my specialty. Now that I’m older I desire marriage,but that me time has to exist. It’s just who I am.

    I’d often say nope never a LDR I need that person near me, but now I see that it could work.

    • BougieHippie February 25, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

      Isn’t our own mind something scary? Now I an say I don’t want to be married nor do I ever want to move in with someone. That has never incited me but someone to pick up my dry cleaning and drop off the recycling would be nice. lol

  5. servante February 28, 2013 at 8:34 am #

    dope site! I follow you on IG, gotta a question for you: how do you keep a long distance relationship or dating fresh because afterwhile the newness goes away?

    • BougieHippie February 28, 2013 at 9:55 am #

      Thanks following & commenting!

      For me, the best part about dating long distance is that the newness is harder to go away than dating someone near because you don’t get tired of seeing them and the time apart create a huge wanting for the other.

      However, there is a big difference in “talking” to someone far away and “dating” someone far war.

      When you’re dating someone far way both parties are actively seeing one another as often as possible,communicating frequently and have self control. Also have the common goal of moving in the same location in the future.

      Most ppl just talk to ppl long distance usually b/c they want something to do until someone near them sparks their interest and it doesn’t goes any further than talking & text-ing.

      • Servante February 28, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

        Valid point but I always looked at dating and talking as one in the same since they both are non exclusive.

      • BougieHippie February 28, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

        Understandable, but talking is more so just that i.e you are just text-ing, calling video chatting or hanging out out with no real purpose other than doing something to get your mind off the previous situation whether its being single or a breakup.

        Dating is having a true purpose as to the next step whether it be becoming exclusive or not.

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