Captured by @Thcreateo
What is honesty? Not the honesty your parents ranted about as they threaten you with beatings over a broken vase or sneaking sleeves of cookies. Nor the honesty you learned about in grade school related to sharing and not stealing. But true honesty when in pertains to dating.
We all were taught to tell the truth, but under the guise of good. We associate a person that is honesty or tells the truth to be a good person. However, that’s a load of bull.
Just like that time you bought a gym membership and made up every excuse as to why you haven’t used it. Or like when you say you’re going to start eating right, right after you finished that plate of fried lard. Even when you have started said “diet” and you sneak and eat crap but post Instagram pics of you on the way to the gym but wonder why you haven’t made any muscles gain or weight losses. Let’s not even mention the delusional progress pics…anyways; all of it is lies that only hurt you.
The idea of being honest isn’t about being a good person it’s about living a good life. In telling the truth no matter what, someone will get hurt. That’s the side effect that no one ever warns us of. We believe being honest will help the other person and give them some type of closure. Although, no matter what you say someone is going home sad. Whereas in my life I just make sure that it isn’t me.
Sometime last week a YouTube video came across my Twitter timeline posted by Ahmier on “The Honesty Language.” The video was basically about people whom ask for certain characteristics of another person in dating yet are clueless on how to function or understand when they receive what they claim they were seeking. Case in point, honesty.
When I say I’m looking for honesty even considering myself an honest person when it comes to dating isn’t a shallow, stock or expecting WAY too much from dating request. It is a true request that not only affect me but the people I plan on invest my time and emotions into.
I’ve noticed that people want you to be honesty until you tell them you’re not interested. I don’t want people to get the wrong impress of my actions neither do I want them to continue doing something that I deem unattractive, annoying or a deal breaker. I’m always open as to want I want from a person, what I am willing to give and what I will not indulge in. Oftentimes this honesty isn’t received well because over the course of my dating life I’ve come to realization people expect you to like them or be interested in them solely on the fact that they are interested in you. They get upset when you aren’t moving at their same pace, when you explain to them how you’re views don’t support their’s and when you’ve decide to move on.
People hear what they want and are willing to ignore everything poor about a relationship as long as they are getting what they initially wanted. But not me, though I can be accuse of being unyielding, “black & white” and out right mean, that isn’t remotely the truth. I’m merely secure enough in my life, my mental state and emotional capabilities that if I’m dealing with something/someone I’m not interested in or isn’t turning out to what I want it to be, I can leave. I state who I am, I don’t seek to change other’s minds nor do I wish for people to do the same to me.
With being this forthcoming to potential mates they tend to do the reverse and tax me for my style of honesty and accuse me of wasting their time or being immature.
I’m left wonder how I’m the immature one when I’m simply exhibiting the one characteristic you value the most right above funny and under loyal. Here’s the thing- people are only interested in their own happiness therefore I must do the same. I tell the truth about what I’m doing, expect or don’t like because I don’t want anyone operating under false pretense base on the faux acting both dating parties are exhibiting only to not rock the boat and be in a relationship. Dating is about learning yourself, exploring and if you’re lucky you’ll find someone who won’t totally annoy you and you won’t mind watching them get fat. You can’t find that lying about who you are. Life is about what you want and not ignoring signs that the relationship you’re working towards isn’t really what you want. There is no such thing as “wasting time” while dating, that’s what it’s all about. However, I do challenge people to really think about the list a characteristic they request from a future mate and see if you yourself embody those same characteristics that are equally good and bad. Many people’s dating list is as vapid as their expectations and it’s no wonder they don’t know how to obtain success in dating. How can you properly request something when you don’t know the first thing about handling when you get it? You can’t prosper in any part of your life if you’re not honest with yourself first. You need to be open with yourself on a level that whatever you tell your romantic interest is for the betterment of you both no matter how terrible the truth may be.
What is honesty? Honesty is not protecting someone else’s feelings but guaranteeing your own.