Tag Archives: relationships

The Never Thinning Journey

1 Dec

Alex & Ani Eye of Horus Compass

Journey – an act of traveling from one place to another.

Life is one huge never thinning journey. Though, each path is different with varying results howbeit, romance, family, friendships, career or fitness we all are doing our best to figure the best path to our goals.

Before my boyfriend and I departed on our new journeys (another post for a fatter day) we bought each other these Alex & Ani bracelets to guide and protect us on our travels until we reach each other again.

The eye of Horus:The Egyptian god Horus representing protection and power. Warding off evil, preserving safety for eternity. The left eye is known as the eye of Thoth, keeper of hidden knowledge and mysteries.

The Compass: Providing guidance and navigation through life’s unexpected twists and turns. North represents home and infinite possibility. South embodies passion and the present. East signifies new beginnings and the future. West symbolizes emotion and the past. 

Here’s the skinny… I’ve taken some time off the site (let’s call it a cyber diet) because I have embarked on one of the biggest journeys in my life since going off to college 10 years ago; moving from Wichita, Kansas to San Francisco, California.

The goal of the ‘cyber diet’ was to reorganize, re-brand and relaunch Anorexic Escapades to make the site more presentable and accepting for all readers as well as, accommodate new opportunities that has been presented to me. Hugely, I didn’t think many people cared anymore and I was losing my voice, (th)inspiration & motivation as a writer so, I wanted to seek out a new point of view. Although, I’ve been receiving an overwhelming amount of comments, DM’s and emails asking where have I been showing that you guys really care about the content here. Hence the real reason for this weight-in.

Honestly, for the past four years I haven’t been completely happy with the results of my journey. I’ve had small triumphs along the way that I am very proud of but I knew they weren’t grand enough to push me further to were I aim to go. Even to the act of masking unhappiness with new (easily obtainable) goals in the hopes to curb my cravings of more adventure along my journey.

It’s funny how certain seemingly unrelated situations will jolt you into the position you are destine and desiring to be in. After, a tumultuous end of summer with my boyfriend I finally made the decision to make the leap into a new route in my life. Though, the landing may have been a bit rough here in San Francisco/Oakland I must say it’s the best thing that has happened to me.

When you aren’t happy with the most lithe thing in your life it creates road blocks in all avenues of your life, that’s why many of you are fat now. For me that dark and blocked off road is my career. I want to accomplish so much i.e., the success of this site, a men’s grooming book and to opening my own store as well as, becoming a successful commentator in the world of men’s grooming, fitness and fashion. I knew that I’ve reached my peak in Kansas and needed to branch off however, I was afraid to take the risk. Yes, I’m resourceful, resilient and coiffed a pretty nice resume over the years; not to mention I can string a couple of sentences together and hang a suit. But, I wasn’t sure if that was enough.

It wasn’t till I looked over my life thus far and come to the realization that in order to travel forward I must take a step forward (sounds simple huh). I’ve been in California for a bit over a month and though, it’s expensive, scary and exhausting; I’ve landed three cool jobs that all coincides with my career goals, finally found a cool “copacetic” place to reside and meeting some very radiant people. I love the creativity, music in the streets, Farmer’s Markets on every corners and overall organized chaos that this city brings. I’m not one hundred percent sure what tomorrow may bring but I have my schedule, a killer pair of trainers, fully load Clipper card and Google maps to help navigate through any unexpected detours.

Today’s skinny advice to you… Don’t keep asking God for blessings and not be willing to work. Success & happiness takes risk- get off the couch!

 

 

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Self-Control.

1 Feb

Control

The person that believes control or being controlling is bad a thing is a person who is ok will either being controlled or extremely lazy.

Having “control” of your life shows discipline, direction and dedication. All the elements that will help you reach your goal and make your life more efficient and worth while.

It’s very easy to take the day off, skip a few workouts or have a cheat day that doesn’t get you to your goal but move you further away from it. The real workout is pushing through when you’re exhausted, schedule is overbooked or you don’t have the assistance/support that will make everything painless and much more straightforward. Control is the ability and character trait to curate and creative direct the happenings, wants, and needs in your life to compose the best livable lifestyle to your own personally liking.

Speaking from a prescriptive where I’ve been accused of being “too” controlling I know how self-involved and off putting I can be to people that aren’t comfortable with themselves or a bit lost. I know the life I want to live and I believe it’s my and mine only responsibility to make that a reality. Howbeit, a career, fitness or creative goal I don’t rely on anyone to make that goal achievable. Now, don’t get me wrong it’s OK to accept help, I mean the first rule to success is getting over yourself, however waiting on help will only delay you to your destination. As well as, being able to realize that not everyone will support my movement I understand the importance it is to muster up the motivation, self worth and exhaust all my resources to live the life I ultimately want to live.

Control (1)

MY dreams nor yours shouldn’t solely rely on “support” or inspiration from others who are setting out in cultivating their OWN dream life. Be YOUR own motivation, know what it is you want and do the hard work.

I know I can’t get my ideal abs and slender thighs by waiting for a trainer, making excuses why I can’t go running because of the temperature or deterred by my slow progress. I have to want and expect more from myself to take charge in being controlling and proactive in getting there. Same with my career, I want to be more productive and gain more notoriety but if I don’t work on my work ethic, knowledge and create a formula that will produce consistent favorable outcomes I will never have a sound mind or elevate pass my current plateau.

Also, with being controlling or gaining control one must be able to listen and pay attention to what is going on. This will either help you eliminate problems or better use the gains that are flourishing from your controlling ways. With control comes great problem solvers, listeners and project managers.

Being controlling isn’t a bad thing, it’s a trait that we all need to embody. I’m controlling from my look right down to my home and everything in between because I never want to be in a position of someone else screwing up my dreams.

Control (3)

The worst thing that could happen to me is my success depending on someone else’s willingness to support me. Be your own support, personal trainer, creative director, stylist and educator. Get out there and arm yourself with the tools you need to take control of your life.

Speak up, tell people what’s not working for you and what you’ll like to happen. It’s the only way to eliminate dead weight, get what you want and draw a line in the sand with how you except things to go.

Only you have to live your life so LIVE it, take control.
Control (4)

Sweatshirt: Reign Storm PacSun $54.99
Extended Tank: Reign Storm PacSun FREE
Joggers: Arizona JCP $19.99
Sneakers: Nike Free Flyknit 4.0 Finish Line $120

“Getting back to ME! 2.0”

28 Jan

wpid-sam_2651-853x1280_josh_local3.jpg.jpeg

There’s no other diluted, delusional, renewed outlook on life mantra I have great disdain for other than the “going back to the old me” many mentally and emotionally stuck referrer to when looking for answers after an unsatisfactory chain of events.

I, like many of you get off track, loose focus or could have handle some situations better that have me questioning the person I’ve become. When I’m going through confusing or overwhelming current life happenings of course the past looks simpler and easier than things are now.

Nevertheless, this backwards way of thinking is the reason why many can’t find direction in life, chase unrealistic dreams and can’t seem to successfully deal with conflict or disappointment because they are still hiding from their mediocrity behind a wall of lies they’ve built as to why their past self was so “great.”

I’ve noticed that some people first response or resolution to dealing with a current life hurdle is to proclaim to go to/get back to the old “me” because somehow the person they have grown pass will better help them deal with the present.

I get it, people will try to hoodwink, bamboozle, run-a-muck or simply piss you off. However, in what parallel university will it be a forward move for you to set a goal of self-growth based on things/experiences you’ve already done, poorly? We should always be aiming to become better in general.

Worry less about who you use to be or how you would’ve dealt with people “if this was two years ago” but more so on using your current situation to reevaluate yourself to restructure a way of thinking and execution to propel you into a better you.

Pain, angst and disappointment is temporary that’s why the body forgets it so easily, also why we have a tendency to romanticize past life events as we look back trying to recapture those great moments of late night early morning past. Not realizing those great moments came with some tough times and bad mistake themselves.

Let’s take why you’re fat for example (YES, we are here again, it’s always about your gut) right now you’re annoyed with your current size, don’t know where to start on a fitness journey and as you look over pictures from high school or before the kids you realized you were rather stealth. The first inclining your delusional self-conscious tells you… man I need to get back to that body. Yes, you look slim in those pics, was in the gym 5 days a week and as you look down at your gut that person in the pictures seems to be a sexier livelier you.

However, if you go back mentally to that time of picture perfect physique you’ll your remember you HATED your body then. As well as, you didn’t have a job, family, relationship and a crammed schedule that kept you from the gym, eating crappy meals to save time and relationship issues that kept you up at night in the Krispy Kreme drive-thru. Even how you interact with people, looking for a career, or simply trying to find motivation to create purpose for your life, going back to a ghost of a person that didn’t have it all together in first place, hence the reason you’re at this personality crossroads isn’t a progressive solution but one that will forever keep you stuck.

Yes, you have many great qualities that you may have let go unused but, going forward shouldn’t require or inspire you to go back. Take all the great and horrible things from your past to map out a plan to get you out of your current rut and use your goal to build a better you with the motivation it will take to use that plan to execute your dreams.

Don’t be that old drunk that always reminiscing about what they use to have or what they use to be. Always be pushing forward take all you life happenings and let the be a point of reference of things you need to work, elevated to leave behind. Dwelling on the past albeit good or bad will not help your present or help you arrive at a progressive future. Whatever you want to fix or get a handle on in your life (physical, emotional, career, financially or relationship wise) isn’t about chasing a dream of delusional years past but creating a new you.

Be the YOU right now– 2.0!

Go Be Fat With Your Man.

6 Oct

Travis Smith by James WhiteTravis Smith by James White for HERO magazine

Am I the only one that always proclaim that the minute I lose this weight, tone these thigh or build this chest that I’m never putting on clothes every again? I understand why muscle boys cut up every shirt that makes it into their closets, even their winter attire consist of deep V- necks and extra small cowl-necks to display their cut physique.

I’m a fan only because I know how much time in the gym, deprivation in the kitchen and discipline at catered functions goes into chiseling a chiseled body. With all that focus you deserve the right to walk around in barely there attire. After all it’s great daily thinspiration for us onlookers, right.

Take dating for instance, I’m a very understanding, supportive no fuss friend when it comes to my close friends getting new mates. You’ll never hear me complaining about my friends being boo’d up, canceling plans with me for their lover or ignoring my phone calls (if they even attempt to call) as they become immersed in their new romance.

As a friend and a participating dating person I am aware of the stress, mistakes and wanting for companionship that we deal with in this crazy dating world.

I’m pro romance, my only caution is that they maintain their midriff because we all know the pounds that comes along with being in a relationship. Besides, when the relationship is over it’s going to be hard to find another suitor with a gut. I guess that’s why revenge exercise exists.

I get that when you have finally find someone that turns you on mentally, emotionally, spiritually and of course physically that’s all you want to do is be with them. Your friends can only give you so much that a person who knows you intimately gives more. Otherwise, all that calorie counting and subtracting goes in vain.

I even understand and I’m that friend that will be there with open arms and a buddy pass to the gym when the love affair is over and you need a friend again. Friends are the family you get to choose but being in a committed relationship is the ultimate goal for some.

I always tell my friends the moment I get a man I’m never answering the phone again! I know when I don’t hear from my friends it must be going good, it’s that late night phone call of them crying that I’m scared of.

I will admit it took me a while to be so perceptive. I was like many of you bitter fatso’s when my friend would disappear the moment they went steady. I no longer had my clubbing buddy, gym partner or sidekick to get in trouble with not realizing that I was focusing too much on being with my friends and not creating my own family. I think that today’s independent society has shamed people or romantics into not wanting or exclaiming their want for a relationship or to be all about their significant other.

Cut to today, with all my friends getting married and birthing babies our infamous getaways have turned into long, noisy and sometimes boring anniversary and birthday parties. I’ve totally mastered the consuming effect that relationships have. All that time away they were off building a wonderful next chapter to their life and it was time for me to do so as well.

Now that I’m dating and found someone that is seemingly the guy for me I completely see how one can get lost and forget the outside world. When you’re dating someone that is really patient, responsive and ken to your personality and desires (vise versa) its automatic that you would want to spend all your time with them.

I now know firsthand that when you’re really enjoying your relationship it’s like being on your own private island that you don’t want to leave. If you pick your mate well you then have someone to talk to about your friends and family, someone to go out with or on trips that isn’t your friends and to share the emotional and finical load that don’t come with friendship. Or simply someone to lay up with. Let’s face it, you can’t screw your friends, and if you are then that isn’t your friend and you both are delusional.

Relationships are engulfing due to the security and adventure that comes with it. I believe it’s perfectly fine to drop your friends for a lover. I can’t begin to explain the things a healthy relationship can do for you that friends can’t. Friends are a great support system but to not understand your friends absence whenever they are dating is selfish and greedy. You shouldn’t want your friend to be lonely like you. Yes, there is balance in between the two but there also should be acceptance from you as a friend.

I remember the day when my married friends would die to hang with me and I would send them home with the tagline “go home to your man, don’t be out here struggling with me because the second I find someone to go home with you’re by yourself.”

Gluten Free ≠ Fat Free

16 Sep

Gluten-Free-Family

Perception is everything! Just because you see something one way based on your feelings at the course of events that transpired doesn’t mean that someone should feel the same, shouldn’t see it differently or have a complete different outlook or response to the displayed events.

Take this “gluten-free” craze for example; gluten or Celiac disease is an autoimmune disease attacking the small intestine due to the presence of gluten, for which the disease affects up to 1% of Americans. However, with all the propaganda you see from food makers, marketers and retailers the only treatment for this disease has been perceived as a weight-lost diet. Foregoing the fact that the reason why many with the allergy have lost weight is because Celiac disease has the reserve effect on your body depending your reaction to gluten. If you gain weight due to the allergy well, when you stop consuming gluten of course you are going to lose weight now that your body can better process food– vise versa. But people become angry and disappointed when they gain weight on the diet because they don’t know that the same amount of calories, sodium and sugar (sometimes more) is still in those “gluten-free” products still there blowing them up as if they are the yeast containing the wheat, barley and rye they claim to be the cause of ill fitting denim.

All this to say just because you see something working or not working for someone don’t mean follow it, it should inspired you to do your research and use another view point to get to the root of your weight gaining problem.

The dilemma with perception may not only cause disruption in your diet but your family as well. I’ll start with; all families are crapped up. No child agrees with how their parent raised them, all siblings have disagreements and everyone has brought home a mate that the rest of the family absolutely hated. Should I even go into detail about the stupid choices and mistakes we make that cause a months of not speaking to one another?

Over the past week I have been lost in a hour long conversations with family members (my two aunts, grandmother and cousin) I rarely talk to not because we are mad at one another but more so I always had a perception of them being negative people. Case in point–my dad’s immediate family!

I’m the one rare family member that seemingly gets along with everyone, I believe that being so far removed from them geographically along with personal growth I have been able to develop the ability to see, hear, and become aware of differences and ailments of my family with a diplomatic yet devil’s advocate reassuring point of view.

I noticed that so many family members don’t speak, socialize or support one another because they feel they may have been done wronged, never received an apology or their antagonist never admitted to their wrong doing. Instead of talking about it howbeit, not coming to a common ground or each family member choosing to go their separate ways, they let mal feeling fester turning into more anger and hurt. This is due to no matter who is wrong and who is right in the situation no one is considering the others perceptive all they see is how this effect themselves which is what they react on.

What I’ve learned is that nothing gets solved with silence and for someone to have the ability to hurt you, at one point they loved you. Therefore, the relationship deserved to be revisited, heard and explained from the view point of both parties involved.

All it takes is listening! Even if it’s not something you want to hear, in turn you will hear things you never consider or knew was going on. What I do with opposing situations like dealing with subjective perception is just talk & listen, it’s that simple. About a year ago I had a sit down with my mom, dad and younger brother about the dysfunction in our family and how it was affecting the continuity of our family. We meet at a neutral location; each had an uninterrupted speech of our entire problems with one another. The trick was keeping others quite as we were cock and load to interject with our own perception of events if it didn’t add up with the talker’s. We just made notes on paper that we all were able to address on the next round of discussions. In the middle of the tears, yelling and awkward silences we (the parent and kids) realized and became aware hurts and mislead assumptions that we would have never consider was the reason or result of our actions.

Did people fail to admit to their part in some of the riffs? Yes. Did things get completely resolved? No. Did it bring us closer and able to move on without bringing up past events? Yes.

Overall, it worked for my immediately family. We still fuss and gripe but its over new stuff as well as we have a better understanding of where someone is coming from and how to handle disagreements.

We all know that with family the fight is never about the fight that is happenings at the moment. It’s all about being heard. You don’t have to agree with someone to solve a problem or enjoy one another’s company but you have to be willing to be diplomatic and work things out so that you won’t go on missing out on great happenings in one another’s lives.

Listening is gold when trying to decipher through perception. In turn reaching your goal became a lot easier. You learn not only about the problem, the other person but yourself as well. Well all can take some time to do some research to keep from being a bitter fat ass.

Warning Label

21 Jul

Processed with VSCOcam with b5 presetCaptured by @Thcreateo

What is honesty? Not the honesty your parents ranted about as they threaten you with beatings over a broken vase or sneaking sleeves of cookies. Nor the honesty you learned about in grade school related to sharing and not stealing. But true honesty when in pertains to dating.

We all were taught to tell the truth, but under the guise of good. We associate a person that is honesty or tells the truth to be a good person. However, that’s a load of bull.

Just like that time you bought a gym membership and made up every excuse as to why you haven’t used it. Or like when you say you’re going to start eating right, right after you finished that plate of fried lard. Even when you have started said “diet” and you sneak and eat crap but post Instagram pics of you on the way to the gym but wonder why you haven’t made any muscles gain or weight losses. Let’s not even mention the delusional progress pics…anyways; all of it is lies that only hurt you.

The idea of being honest isn’t about being a good person it’s about living a good life. In telling the truth no matter what, someone will get hurt. That’s the side effect that no one ever warns us of. We believe being honest will help the other person and give them some type of closure. Although, no matter what you say someone is going home sad. Whereas in my life I just make sure that it isn’t me.

Sometime last week a YouTube video came across my Twitter timeline posted by Ahmier on “The Honesty Language.” The video was basically about people whom ask for certain characteristics of another person in dating yet are clueless on how to function or understand when they receive what they claim they were seeking. Case in point, honesty.
When I say I’m looking for honesty even considering myself an honest person when it comes to dating isn’t a shallow, stock or expecting WAY too much from dating request. It is a true request that not only affect me but the people I plan on invest my time and emotions into.

I’ve noticed that people want you to be honesty until you tell them you’re not interested. I don’t want people to get the wrong impress of my actions neither do I want them to continue doing something that I deem unattractive, annoying or a deal breaker. I’m always open as to want I want from a person, what I am willing to give and what I will not indulge in. Oftentimes this honesty isn’t received well because over the course of my dating life I’ve come to realization people expect you to like them or be interested in them solely on the fact that they are interested in you. They get upset when you aren’t moving at their same pace, when you explain to them how you’re views don’t support their’s and when you’ve decide to move on.

People hear what they want and are willing to ignore everything poor about a relationship as long as they are getting what they initially wanted. But not me, though I can be accuse of being unyielding, “black & white” and out right mean, that isn’t remotely the truth. I’m merely secure enough in my life, my mental state and emotional capabilities that if I’m dealing with something/someone I’m not interested in or isn’t turning out to what I want it to be, I can leave. I state who I am, I don’t seek to change other’s minds nor do I wish for people to do the same to me.

With being this forthcoming to potential mates they tend to do the reverse and tax me for my style of honesty and accuse me of wasting their time or being immature.

I’m left wonder how I’m the immature one when I’m simply exhibiting the one characteristic you value the most right above funny and under loyal. Here’s the thing- people are only interested in their own happiness therefore I must do the same. I tell the truth about what I’m doing, expect or don’t like because I don’t want anyone operating under false pretense base on the faux acting both dating parties are exhibiting only to not rock the boat and be in a relationship. Dating is about learning yourself, exploring and if you’re lucky you’ll find someone who won’t totally annoy you and you won’t mind watching them get fat. You can’t find that lying about who you are. Life is about what you want and not ignoring signs that the relationship you’re working towards isn’t really what you want. There is no such thing as “wasting time” while dating, that’s what it’s all about. However, I do challenge people to really think about the list a characteristic they request from a future mate and see if you yourself embody those same characteristics that are equally good and bad. Many people’s dating list is as vapid as their expectations and it’s no wonder they don’t know how to obtain success in dating. How can you properly request something when you don’t know the first thing about handling when you get it? You can’t prosper in any part of your life if you’re not honest with yourself first. You need to be open with yourself on a level that whatever you tell your romantic interest is for the betterment of you both no matter how terrible the truth may be.

What is honesty? Honesty is not protecting someone else’s feelings but guaranteeing your own.

Let It Go Fat A**!

7 Dec

Romeo & JulietCorey Baptiste & David Abodji for Harper’s Bazaar UK ‘Romeo and Juliet’

Want to know why every holiday season you get huger than last? No it’s not the endless holiday desserts or bottomless glasses of eggnog nor the cold nights that provokes snacking while bundled up watching a movie. You gain more weight around this time of year because you can’t get over that loser so his non presence at your family and work holiday functions drive you to fill that void of a man that you’ll never have again with carbohydrates.

Just like there is a process to getting fit, same goes for getting over someone.

First, you have to figure why you can’t let go. Most of us are waiting on someone we don’t deserve based on unrealistic wants, others still enjoy sex with the low-life, and the rest feel like we can’t find better. Not to mention we constantly ignore the person right in front of our face that’s good for us.

Second, you have to consider what it is you’re letting go. Is the lost better than the gain? No more sleepless nights, anxiety of not know you are being considered as much as you consider and no more being dissatisfied with your love life.

Third, be honest with yourself to understand your part for why you continue to hold onto a hollow relationship. As well as, admitting your fault in the failure of the relationship. Many times we want to blame the world for our displeasure when we have just as much to do with the downward spiral as the lame we keep holding on to.

Fourth, cut off all communication with the loveless lover, including friends, family and frequent places you once patron together. Move on with your life you don’t need constant reminders, you can’t progress if you’re continuing to revisit old situations.

Fifth, get to know yourself and accept you for who you are in order to become who you aim to be. Relationships don’t define a person but the action you display while in one or out of one does. Some people grow howbeit, apart or together. You are not the same doe-eyed love hungry person now that you were when you first went out together. It’s okay to want new things that may not include your current status. Showing up alone to holiday soirees isn’t the worst thing in world. Yes, people may ask you where’s your date but that beats them gossiping about your uninhabitable dead-end relationship.

Sixth, don’t make someone else’s problems yours. The worst thing you can do is stay in a rut of a relationship for the matter of appearances or not to hurt someone’s feelings. That does a disservice to you and keeps the other party from finding a perfect match for them. That is why many relationships plateau because no one have a desire to move to the next level but don’t want to breakup in order of not being hurt.

The best way to get over a relationship is to get over you. Stop giving yourself reasons to stay and just sever ties, cut your losses and move on. We all choose the romantic lives we lead. So while you’re doing something you don’t want to do because you don’t want to deal with the reality you’re only ruining yourself for the next person. Stop being greedy, let them have someone else.

One of the many amazing things about being an adult is that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Take ownership of your life and act accordingly. If it’s not for the betterment or progression of your life then let it fall to the side. Like those ‘love’ handles.

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